It’s okay to be a Peach πŸ‘

What I’ve learned through a myriad of self help avenues over the past couple years is that not everyone loves peaches πŸ‘ Hear me out.

Therapy is one of those taboo words that can make people really uncomfortable. Therapy? That’s for people with real mental issues. That’s for the weak. That’s for sissies. I’ve heard it all. It’s really the response from ignorance.

About a year and a half ago my depression was at its worse… I actually stopped typing there for a few minutes remembering how horrible it was. There are many people I know that will read these blog posts about me and have been clueless about that part of my life. I was hiding a lot of pain behind my smile. I made it through that period of my life because of a few key people who really showed up for me. They know who they are. ❀️❀️

I used to be one of the people who didn’t understand therapy since I never had it. I didn’t think it was something I’d ever need since I had it all together– boy was I wrong. I spent a lot of time in my Pinterest board called Motivational Quotes, but depending on the day, those pins are really uplifting or pulls you down- like wayyyyy down. I was looking there for support. If there is a pin that gets me, that means somebody made that pin, so people can relate! I was desperate for my tribe- other people who struggle with their self worth due to others’ opinions or actions (or lack thereof).

β€œOur wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” 
― David Richo

My friend and I started sharing uplifting quotes and phrases with each other on our tough days. We started reading self help books together. We upped our IG game and started following some dope people who get us!

My friend got me to consider therapy as a viable option to work through my issues. She referenced that this is a way to get someone to get you to work through the root of your issues so you can confront them head on and work towards recovery.

I remember waiting in the lobby for this unknown, anticipated savior at my first appointment. I got there early. I was praying I wouldn’t see anyone in the lobby I knew. How horrible would that be if people found out I was seeing a therapist?! GASP! The horror!!

I was hoping for a few things: please be a woman, please don’t make me start crying immediately, and don’t judge me. Please don’t judge me. And most importantly, don’t let me off the hook. In my job I am good at getting to the truth behind incidents. I can see through lies and guide a conversation towards the truth. It’s actually quite a gift. I don’t toot my horn often, but that is something I can attribute to my father- a retired police officer. Justice is in my blood. So, future therapist, I thought, push me and challenge me when I try to not open up right away or start to hide details. I am guarded and skeptical. I know this new connection has potential to be helpful. I’m trusting the process. I’m trusting you.

It’s been three months since I’ve been seeing my therapist regularly. I’ve learned that I struggle with control. Severely struggle with control. When things don’t go the way that I expected or anticipated in any way, I feel at a loss and must find a way to fix it. I failed. I failed at fixing broken relationships. I failed at making people like me or enjoy my company. I failed at liking myself. I failed. Saying that is just not something I ever was comfortable admitting. I succeeded in most of my life. I’m a successful person- whatever that means. How can I just be an ultimate failure with friend relationships? Failed relationships have been a difficult part for me- the most difficult. Trying to make people like me?! Why do I care if someone likes me or not? Not exactly sure, but I think it all boils down to not having control. It’s taken me a while to get to understand that piece about myself. But now that I’m there, I am now at a place where I’m a more reflective thinker, less hard on myself, and more supportive of others. I’m also appreciative of what I have in my life. Daily I write down five things I feel gratitude for that day. It’s such a fulfilling practice. I highly recommend it.

However your preference for self help, whether it’s reading, therapy, following Rachel Hollis on IG, going out with your gfs, journaling, writing music, working out, cuddling your dog, cleaning, singing at the top of your lungs in your car, or meditating, just be sure you have a practice you are comfortable with when the time comes that you need support. Your go-to.

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches. πŸ‘

‘Yes Man’ syndrome, People Pleaser, smile and nod in all uncomfortable situations. That was me. I’m getting past that now thanks to all the avenues of self help I’ve utilized effectively. Do what makes YOU happy- not what you think others need or want from you.

I’m a badass peach πŸ‘ !!

We are all in this together.

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