Hey there. My name is Kim. This blogging is new to me. As I sit in bed at 12:26AM wide awake, my husband, two children, two dogs, and the opposum living under my deck are all sleeping soundly.
For the past two in a half years, I have been struggling with depression, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, migraines, and social anxiety. Whoa, wait! What? Too much too soon. I’ll get more into that later- different post, different time. The point is that over this period of time where I was the lowest I’ve ever been in my life, I looked for support in all the wrong and seemingly right places and was severely disappointed, consistently let down. I felt alone. I needed to hear that someone understood me and that they know how I feel. I needed that and waited for it to no avail. I needed to look elsewhere for the support I needed. I
will not refuse to give up! Does anyone really understand how I feel?
If that part doesn’t apply to you or you can’t relate, consider yourself extremely lucky. ♥️
One avenue I tried was to find other moms with a similar family makeup as mine. This was not easy.
I am a mom of two young children (1 and 3 years old), I do drop off and pick up, I’m the breadwinner in my two income household, I recently earned my third degree (second graduate degree), and I work very long hours in a stressful and demanding job. It’s been difficult to find moms that can relate to the stress I’ve been under. Let me also say that I chose this life. Even though it’s challenging, I do love it.
Are there any moms out there who have a similar family/work description?
I gotta tell you, I became desperate for a new tribe- a circle of loyal friends with similar struggles and interests. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right?
I even joined a site called Peanut. Have you ever heard of it? Now, I’ve been with my husband for over twelve years. Back in our day, there was no Tinder, Bumble,… and IDK- but whatever sites you have to judge someone based on the small amount they choose to share with the world by swiping left or right. My single friends showed me how to do it on their account, but I never was exposed to this type of connecting with people. So, I got this experience through shopping and picking through all of the moms who talked about their perfect families on Peanut. I can be picky, right? Hey, I figured that if it’s socially acceptable to swipe left/right based on small pieces of information, then I had to narrow down exactly what it was I was looking for in my future mommy network. The problem is, I was still unable to find other moms who had the three pieces that I decided upon as the non-negotiables when shopping:
1- mom of multiple children
2- work full time
3- breadwinner, boss status
Why are these important to me?
1- this one was very simple to make my first rule because anyone with multiple children knows that the game SEVERELY changes up after you have more kids added to the three-person-fam. The amount of planning, prep, and all the stress that goes along with raising more than one child is difficult. There’s fighting between siblings for every. single. thing. And navigating through that where everyone makes it out alive is a triumphant feat. Then the schedules!
2- I wanted a mama that knew the stress and hardships of having a full time job- and one that they don’t or can’t work from home. It takes a lot of sacrifice to leave your kids at daycare every day. It’s not always easy to leave them at drop off. I want someone that knows the difficulty that comes along with having to give up time with your kids to hopefully provide a better life for them by working hard.
According to the Center for American Progress, in 2015, 42 percent of mothers were sole or primary breadwinners, bringing in at least half of family earnings.
3- I feel that most mamas are already bosses within their household. The family manager. Just that alone is stressful. The ones that carry the weight of financial decisions since they make more money than their counterpart. Between managing everyone’s extracurricular activity calendars, doctor and dentist appointments, holiday and birthday party planning, grocery getting, meal prepping, all household financials, and the sayer of what the family weekend plans are…. I could go on forever. Moms are killing it all the time as the family manager. So, this qualifier was for the moms that are not only the boss at home, but also the boss at work- managing employees and running that household, so to speak, as well. Who never has an off switch? Always has to be on- never able to take off that manager hat.
Let me reiterate that there is NOTHING wrong with anyone who doesn’t fit the requests listed. Remember that this post was created because I was unable to locate people who fit that criteria through other avenues. I refuse to believe that nobody out there like that exists.
So, here I am. In another attempt to find my tribe, putting myself out there through this and future posts.